


Reply YES for Dirty Puns

by Arenoptara



Series: The Baseball AU [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Baseball, F/M, Sexual Content, egregious puns, puns, that escalated quickly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:53:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1442470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arenoptara/pseuds/Arenoptara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She turned—picking up the bat as she did—and started back to her bag. At home plate she looked up and noticed Levi, creeping on her between the lines of the backstop. She stopped and swung the bat over onto her shoulder, studying him.</p><p>But she didn't chastise him like Levi thought she would. “You wanna join in?” she invited with a half-mad smile.</p><p>Levi folded his arms. “Something tells me I'd fear for my life.”</p><p>She chuckled and tapped the bat on her shoulder a few times. “I don't bite on the first date.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reply YES for Dirty Puns

**Author's Note:**

> Aside from Batting for Boys - five years before, how Hanji and Levi met.
> 
> Puns courtesy of Breezy!
> 
> And my tumblr is arenoptara.tumblr.com

There was no real destination in mind. Levi just wanted to walk the streets of his childhood, the places he hadn't been in so many years, and see how they looked through the eyes of an adult, how they looked in comparison to the form his memory stored them as. He was only back for a little less than a month. Then he'd get it over with, because for some reason he felt compelled to do this, and didn't want to think about it again for a long time—another ten years when he was thirty-five.

The neighborhood was quiet, a virtual forest with how many trees they'd planted however many years ago. Walking down the sidewalk was serene and shady. And ever so often a leaf would fall down—it's like they were playing a game: whatever leaf landed on top of Levi's head won. Finally one did land right on top, but he let it sit there and revel in its victory for a few seconds before he realized how childish that was, and pulled it off, dropping it carelessly to the cracked cement.

A sound reached him about a block later, one that he knew well. He'd trained his ears to pick up even the slightest sound of baseball. Given more time, they'd probably be able to smell them. He'd told a teammate that once—well, he'd said it to himself and the guy overheard and told him how ridiculous that sounded. So Levi had called _him_ ridiculous.

It was the sound of a bat hitting a baseball. He heard several before he found himself at the park with the old scraggly baseball field he used to play at in Little League. Quietly, he crossed the street and stood behind the tall metal backstop. A woman was standing at home plate, a huge red crate filled with baseballs. She would bend down, grab one, toss it into the air and then smack it out over the field. Anytime one passed this white line randomly painted in the outfield—there was a spray can propped up against her back near the backstop—she let out an excited “WOOHOO!”

It was mesmerizing, just standing there watching her. Levi curled his fingers through the chicken wire. The way this lady was hitting, she could join the pros. Three of the past five soared out past the edge of the field and rolled into the street.

One popped up, so she had to stop, putting a hand above her eyes to block out the sun as she tracked its movement through the air. Then her feet shuffled across the ground, and she targeted herself under its fall point. She raised the bat.

_She's not seriously going to hit it again?_

Yes, she did, and with a power swing. The ball rocketed away, a turbo on it, and crashed into a tree on the farthest park strip. Some birds flew out in alarm. The woman threw the bat away, stuck her arms in the air, and hopped up and down with excited shouts.

Then she turned—picking up the bat as she did—and started back to her bag. At home plate she looked up and noticed Levi, creeping on her between the lines of the backstop. She stopped and swung the bat over onto her shoulder, studying him.

But she didn't chastise him like Levi thought she would. “You wanna join in?” she invited with a half-mad smile.

Levi folded his arms. “Something tells me I'd fear for my life.”

She chuckled and tapped the bat on her shoulder a few times. “I don't bite on the first date.”

“Date? What the hell are you talking about?”

“All right, so it won't be a date. Hey, do I know you? You look familiar.” Her eyes squinted behind her glasses, as if that would help. “Wait, you're not a porn star are you?” She burst out laughing when Levi gave her a dry look, and then hopped over. They were only a few feet away now, but separated by the mesh of metal. She propped the bat against it, and then fumbled in her bag for a water bottle. “But really, have we met before?”

 _I think I'd remember meeting_ you. Levi sighed. “I play for the Rainiers.”

“Tacoma?” She grinned. “Second baseman Levi Ackerman! Ha! I knew it! Whatcha doing here? Don't you have spring training and all that fun stuff?”

“I'm on the 30-day DL. I . . . asked for some time at home. I'll be there for opening week.”

Most people would ask what got hurt, but she just unscrewed the lid of her water bottle, and drank the whole thing, crushing it in her hands and then tossing it into the recycle bin a few yards away by the tiny little clubhouse. “Probably good to be home for a bit longer, right?” She put her hands on her hips. “Are you gonna come around from there or you actually scared for you life?”

Levi skirted around the backstop. He picked up her bat. “You pitch, I'll hit.”

Hanji slipped on a mitt and then readjusted her glasses. “You got any power in that tiny little body of yours?”

Casually, Levi walked over to the crate of balls, picked one up, and threw it to her. She barely managed to snag it in her mitt.

“Right. I'm talking to the pro. You're an angry little man aren't you?” She skipped over to the mound.

Levi got into his batting stance. “Throw.”

He hit every single one of the fifteen pitches, and they all soared to those sweet spots between infield and outfield. Levi wasn't a power hitter—he was an RBI and lead-off man. Stealing bases was also one of his fortes. He may have had short legs, but they were fast—he couldn't run at the moment though: the reason for being put on the DL.

“Whoo! You are one sharp bastard.” She came over and extended her mitt. “The name's Hanji Zoë. Want to help me go get all my balls?”

He grabbed her mitt and gave it one strong shake. “Tch, no. I'll get my fifteen balls. The others, you're on your own.”

Hanji turned and looked over the white-studded field. “Ooh, I don't even know how many I hit. They're _everywhere_.”

Levi grabbed the first fifteen balls he saw and brought them back to the crate. He plopped down on the ground, leaning against the backstop and watched Hanji scurry around the field, occasionally running back to the crate when her arms got full.

Thirteen minutes later—Levi was counting—Hanji finally sat down next to him, sweating up a flood and panting. Levi silently offered her the rest of his water—well, technically it was _her_ water, he'd just stolen it—and she chugged it down. This time, her throw to the recycle bin failed miserably.

“Well, that was fun,” Hanji said between breaths.

“So what do you do?” Levi asked. “Are you on any teams?”

Hanji nodded. “University baseball team. USC.”

“Good choice.”

“Yeah? You a USC fan? I knew there was something I liked about you. I'm in my third to last semester and then I dunno. Career stuff.”

“You could try for the pros. The Single A teams in the area aren't too shitty,” Levi suggested.

But Hanji shrugged. “I love baseball, but I don't want it to be my bread maker, you know?”

“Then what are you going to college for?”

“Coaching and athletic training. Then my career doesn't depend on how many hits and strikeouts I get. Besides, I'm more into the observational experimental side, you know?”

“No, I don't. Sounds creepy.”

“Hey,” she said, stretching her legs out and knocking her toes together. “Do you wanna come see me play on Friday? It's a home game and I'm gonna be hella.”

Levi snorted. “What makes you think I'd be interested in seeing a game just because you're there? I don't even know you.”

“You know me—you just don't know me _well_. And baseball's baseball. That's all the reason you need. Seeing me is just a plus.” She laughed once at something, maybe a memory. Her eyes sparkled in this fizzy half-drunken way, thin lips stretched in a relaxed smile.

That was true. And it wasn't like he had any plans or anything—well, except his brother had invited him to dinner with his wife and Levi's five-year-old niece Mikasa, but he didn't want that to be his only event while home. Family dinners were always so awkward. Levi wasn't exactly the most socially graceful of creatures.

Besides, Hanji was interesting. Why not go relax into a college baseball game? It had been three years since he'd been to one. All that spunky college energy, it would be a nice change, even though he could already foresee all the annoying frat boys that would sit near him—maybe spill beer all over him.

“Okay,” he said.

Hanji slapped her thighs. “Great. I'll get you in for free. Where's your favorite place to sit?”

“Above the visiting team's dugout,” he said immediately.

She lightly punched his shoulder. “Sounds good. Hey, help me move that crate into my car.”

“You got it out by yourself,” he pointed out.

“So?” She turned her big eyes onto him, begging.

Begrudgingly he agreed, and then everything was packed into her car. She grabbed her ponytail and twirled it in her fingers, leaning against the back of the car. “So, how bout we swap numbers so we don't lose each other?”

She put this as her contact name in his phone: Your New Sexy Lover Hanji <3\. Levi gritted his teeth but said nothing. At least he wouldn't forget her in a hurry—not that she was the type of person one could really forget at all. 

When he got home there was already a text from her.

Hanji: Be prepared for an onslaught of bad baseball puns every day. Reply Stop to end your subscription to Zoë Puns Daily. Reply YES if you want dirty puns.

He put the phone down and didn't get back to it until an hour later after he'd showered and eaten. That single solitary message was still there, shining up at him.

Levi: Yes.

Ten minutes later, she replied: It was supposed to be in all caps!

He said: No.

Hanji: (some kind of emoticon sticking out its tongue)

Levi: Be grateful I even accepted to receive dirty puns from a complete stranger.

Hanji: Oh I'm grateful. I really am. And you will be too. I promise, you won't regret a thing.

Levi: I think I already am.

That night was dinner at the Ackerman household. Kou opened the door and smiled in welcome. He wasn't all the way in when Mikasa came running over and wrapped her arms around one of his legs. He nudged her a little and she let go so he could kneel down so they were eye-level. Kindly, he ruffled her hair and she laughed happily. It wasn't a well-known fact, but Levi actually really liked kids. Sure they were messy a lot of the time, and even though it bothered him to no end, all those other times made up for it. The best thing about his niece was she had never been that messy of a child. Plus, she liked baseball.

“My friend Eren wants to meet you,” she said. “He calls you his hero!”

“Does he?” Levi said distastefully. “He's not here is he?”

“No—we should call him! And Armin too!”

Levi made a face, but Kou quickly came to his rescue—well, Mikasa's rescue because anything Levi said would probably make her sad. He liked kids, but Levi wasn't exactly friendly or eloquent when speaking with them.

“Let's eat, Mikasa. We made your favorite, remember?”

The conversation was boring and dry as per usual. Levi half-listened, poking at the food on his plate, and occasionally sipping some of Kou's Japanese tea. The three others usually did this when Levi was around, only acknowledging him sometimes, but it was never rude or anything. It was just the way it had always been. There had been a time when they tried really hard to include Levi in every single word, but eventually they all sorted it out, realizing Levi preferred the quiet.

The next day at about ten o'clock, Levi received his first pun from Hanji: Morning Levi! Say, do you have a hidden ball trick?

Levi: Wow.

Hanji: You busy today?

Levi: Why? You want to see my hidden ball trick?

Hanji: So you have one?

Levi: What do you want?

Five minutes later she responded again: Sorry, my dog pooped all over my bed. Wondering if you wanted to get coffee with me.

Levi smirked: Thank you for that.

Hanji: POOP POOP POOP. Is that a yes or no?

Levi: It was neither. But fine. Sure.

Hanji: Woooo!! There's a coffee place in the shopping center by Huntington Beach. Whaddya say??

Levi: Sure.

Hanji: You sound so excited.

Levi: You have enough excitement for the both of us.

Hanji: See you at sayyyy noon?

He was going to reply with “Sure” but backspaced and instead wrote: Sounds great.

Hanji: There we go! AND BRING YOUR SWIMSUIT BECUASE THERE IS A BEACH RIGHT THERE.

Almost two hours later he slipped on an old Mariners cap and headed out in his piece of crap Toyota. Halfway to Huntington Beach, he got caught in traffic—a crash, the radio said, involving a Honda and a Semi. For a fleeting moment Levi thought it might be Hanji, because she had a Honda, but then they said it was a Civic, and she had a blue Pilot. How come whenever there was an accident anywhere, Levi's mind always immediately assumed it was someone he knew and that they were now dead?

The Pilot was parked right outside the coffee shop, but Levi had to wander away a block or two and then walk. Hanji was inside, already sipping at a coffee, texting on her phone. Just as he walked in, his phone vibrated and he looked at it. From Hanji, of course.

Hanji: Your parking skills will never equal mine.

She looked up and smiled when she saw him.

He got a double shot espresso and sat down across from her. They sat in the very corner by the front glass, within view of the beach, the sunlight reflecting off the sand into the coffee shop.

“Who did you kill for that parking spot?” Levi asked.

Hanji sat back, trying to act all cool and boss and—well, succeeding, honestly. She was one of those people who didn't care what anyone thought about her, who owned herself, and that confidence was enough to make her look good no matter what she was doing. “Please. You really think I do my own killing?”

“Oh, so you hired someone.” Levi took a sip of his espresso. It tasted horrible. His face screwed up in disgust.

“Isn't it the worst?” Hanji said enthusiastically.

“Did you know it was like this before you came here?”

Hanji batted her eyes innocently. “Why would I do something like that?”

“Cuz you're fucking crazy, I don't know.” Levi nudged the espresso away. “A wild bitch.”

“Ha!” she said, pointing at him. “That was a pun.”

He glanced away nonchalantly. “Was it?”

“You bet your terrible haircut it was. I am the pun master. I see all puns. Hear all puns. Speak all puns.”

“I like my haircut.”

“Are you sure you didn't cut it that way on a lost bet?” But Hanji was smiling so brightly, Levi didn't care if she really thought it was bad or not. She leaned her elbows on the table, and resting her chin on her fists. “The tea actually is really good here. Want some?” But before he could answer she got up and ordered some anyway. It was Earl Grey, one of Levi's favorites. And yes, it did taste really good.

Hanji held her steaming cup up to her face, eyes closed, and just breathed in the fragrance contentedly.

“So how old are you anyway?” Levi asked offhand.

“Twenty in three months.” Her eyes opened. “What about you?”

“Twenty-four,” he said.

“Practically an old man,” she said with a sad shake of her head—and a subtle wink.

Levi rolled his eyes. “I'm not an old man, and I can prove it to you.”

Hanji set her tea cup down, eyes dancing. “Oh really? How?”

But he didn't really know how he was going to. His coach had forbidden him from running, or any extraneous athletic activity. Any ideas immediately had to be thrown out to the window to accommodate that. In the end, his mind was left with a blank—well, okay, so there was one thing in there, but that was out of the question. Even mentioning it would give Hanji crazy dirty ideas.

“Old man until you can prove it,” Hanji said when she saw the blank look in his eye. “You brought your swim suit right? Because I really want to go for a swim, but it'll be less fun if you're just sitting on the beach in clothes. I like to be inclusive whenever possible.”

It had been awhile since he'd been swimming. The trunks had been hiding under a mass of underwear in one of his drawers. He'd almost forgotten what they looked like, and was afraid they wouldn't fit, but they did, even if they were a little tight. But whatever, maybe Hanji would comment on how nice his ass was or something.

“You're lucky I still had one. The last time I went swimming was freshman year of college. Back then I was even smaller. Somehow.”

Hanji laughed. “Ooh, I can't wait.” Already she was picturing what he'd look in them. Hanji was right, he may not have known her well, but he did know her. Some things he could just predict. Maybe all that time reading pitches made it easier for him to read people.

They walked down to the beach together, swimsuits in hand, and then separated at the changing rooms/showers. For about two minutes, Levi just stared at himself in the mirror, wondering if he'd make a fool of himself because for some reason they seemed tighter than earlier that day. That was impossible of course. It was probably just knowing that Hanji was going to see him in them that made his mind start going crazy. He pulled on one side and then let it go with a snap.

She was already out there waiting for him—he almost didn't recognize her. The glasses were gone, her hair was in a messy braid down her back, and she had a bikini on—dark blue with dolphins all over it. As if she sensed him, she turned around.

“Looking good, Levi,” she complimented and then held out an arm towards the ocean. “Beauty before, uh, other beauty.”

Levi stepped onto the sand, well aware of Hanji's eyes on him. Of course she probably only wanted him to go first in order to stare at his ass. He didn't mind. 

The water was freezing cold, but he kept going in up to his waist. Instant immersion was the easiest way to go, like pulling a band-aid off in one fast stroke. Hanji thought so too, because when she came up behind him, she pushed him forward into deeper water so it was up to his chin. Levi grabbed her arm as she laughed and pulled her even farther, and just as a wave was rolling in. It splashed all over her entire body and she gave a huge inhale. When the water settled down again, she shook her head, flicking water over at Levi, and then used her arms to splash some water all over him as well.

It was too easy to be comfortable around Hanji. And Levi admitted he had grown more comfortable with her than he was around most people. There was just something relaxing about her, even if she had a stupid sense of humor.

Levi slicked his hair back out of his face.

“Hey, I sea what you're doing over there,” Hanji said.

He stared at her. “Was that supposed to be a pun?”

She slapped the water. “Ah, shit, you can't tell unless you write it down. I've failed. Don't worry, don't worry, I'll come up with another one.” She put her hand on the sides of her face, pun gears churning away inside her brain. “Wait, I think I got one. Yeah! Splishy splashity I like your assity.” And she splashed him.

“What the fuck, that's not even a pun.”

“Admire the effort in that beautiful line!” she said loudly. “Okay, how about _this_ one? Did you get drift wood in your trunks or are you just happy to see me?” And then she burst out laughing so hard she bent over, gasping for air. She put an arm on his shoulder to keep from falling when the next waves came in.

“Wow. I really have nothing to say except that you're delusional.”

As she was still laughing, she tried to say another thing. “ I don't know what time the tide comes in, but I know what time I want you to—“

“Goddamn it Hanji, there are children here!”

“Are you a sailor? Or do you prefer to go by seaman?”

“ _Oh my God, you need to stop._ ”

Hanji let out a long satisfied breath. “Ah, I was on a roll there. Made up for my splishy splashity, eh?”

“Are you always this open with people you've known for one day?”

“Only if they respond YES to the subscription,” she said thoughtfully.

Behind her, Levi could see the next big wave rolling in. Suddenly, he grabbed her by the arms, put her in front of him, and then used her back as a shield against the oncoming storm. It crashed against her body, slamming back into him as well. They went surfing along with the wave into really shallow water. Levi's bottom hit the sand and Hanji was still on top of him. She rolled off and got on all fours, shaking her whole body.

Levi scooted upwards towards dry land a little more and then put his hands behind his head and just lay there, letting the tide wash in over and round his body.

Hanji collapsed next to him as well. “I just like people, I guess. And you're just such a bushel of fun.”

“I'm surprised there wasn't a pun in there.”

“Oh I can still use one if you wa—“

“I think I'm punned out for the day.”

Some wild kids ran past them, apparently not noticing they were there until they were way too close. Hanji and Levi both snapped out of the way just in time, rolling on their sides as the stampede went by and splashed into the water. They both looked at each other, noses almost touching, and then Hanji smiled shyly, face turning red, and returned to her backside. Levi stayed on his side, looking at her. So she could talk about dirty things without going pink, but as soon as something fluffy happened—as Mikasa called it—then she was done? It almost made Levi smile.

Hanji moved over some more so she could spread her arms out without whacking Levi in the face. “How is playing in the pros, anyway? What do you think about your prospects of getting in the major league?”

“I don't know. I don't really care. I just like to play baseball.”

“Yeah?”

His mind strayed back to what Mikasa had said, about her friend Erek or whatever considering him a hero. It irked him. He wasn't a hero. He hit balls in a stadium and ran around in a glorified game of tag for crying out loud. There was nothing heroic about that. It wasn't like he was saving anyone's life, or feeding the starving, or giving shelter to the homeless. Levi was a selfish guy. He played baseball just because he wanted to, and if they lost, he didn't care. Which sometimes led to him getting in trouble with the coaches and his manager. Which he also didn't care about. They only kept him on because he was so good.

A few weeks ago his manager had actually mentioned something about possibly getting called up to the big leagues. Sure it'd be nice. More money, better players . . . But he wasn't exactly Mr. Sunshine and Glory. Most people he met disliked him. What would all the fans think when they heard him in interviews?

Interviews. The thought it of it made his skin crawl. At least in the minor leagues he didn't have to deal with so much publicity and shit like that.

“I'm actually surprised you agreed to hang out with me today,” Hanji said, switching gears.

“It's something to do, isn't it? I didn't want to have to stay home all day and do nothing.”

Hanji smiled faintly. “Ah, I see.”

“I didn't mean that in a negative way,” he said, but it was swallowed up by those same crazy kids who suddenly decided they wanted to scream everything they said—they were role playing as James Bond and henchmen and villains and shit.

“NO, MR. BOND! I EXPECT YOU TO DIE!” Laser noises. Weird noises. Pretending to kick someone in the face.

“TOO BAD I AM A NINJA YOU GINGER BASTARD.”

Kids were getting rather vulgar nowadays, weren't they?

“Wasn't Bond a ninja in _You Only Live Twice?_ Not _Goldfinger?_ ” Hanji mused to herself.

“I'm sure he can be a ninja in any movie he wants.”

“True. He _is_ Bond. By the way, did you say something before?”

He stared up at the wispy clouds. “No.”

–

The next day, Wednesday, at ten o'clock, Hanji sent her next pun: Mooorning Leviii. You sure find the sweet spot on that bat; think you can find one on me?

Levi: Better than yesterday's.

Hanji: HIGH PRAISE.

Levi: Really?

Hanji: Coming from you? Hell ya.

Hanji: By the way, somehow your Mariners hat ended up going home with me.

Levi: I'll drop by and get it later.

Hanji: Then I'd have to give my address. You could be a serial killer.

Levi: Fine. Then keep it.

She did end up texting him her address, about two hours later. He was in the car when she sent it, on his way to the mall. It was time for swim suit shopping. He wasn't going to throw away the other one, though. In the past twenty fours hours he'd grown a strange attachment to it—which of course had nothing to do with the fact that Hanji liked his ass in it. Not at all.

The first one he tried on was blue and way too short, almost leaking into speedo territory. That would be too much. Hanji would never shut up about it. Not that he was expecting more swim meets with Hanji, or any extended periods of time hanging with Hanji. It was just something he had to take into consideration, lest there be other Hanjis about. Quasi-Hanji-like people. There was only one Hanji.

The second one was way too tight and no bigger sizes in that style. The next three fit weird.

Eventually he decided on some orange ones. And it just so happened that they'd compliment Hanji's blue bikini. He pulled out his phone.

Levi: Does your apartment complex have a hot tub/pool?

While he waited for a response, he wandered through the mall, not really looking at anything. There was one shop that sold an assortment of swords, which seemed semi-interesting, but then his eye caught the word “Fanzz” and he was there, looking over the baseball hats. Again, he texted Hanji.

Levi: What's your favorite MLB team?

Ten minutes later, he got a response: Both. And without a doubt the Mets.

Coincidence. Blue and orange. They had blue and orange swimsuits.

Hanji: Why?

Levi: Do you like the Mariners?

Hanji: Sure! Why all these questions??

Levi: Just curious.

Hanji: Just curious, my ass.

She probably had a Mets hat, but probably not a Mariners hat. Should he get her one? He didn't even know her hat size, but he could probably guess, and if it didn't fit—wait. She had probably tried on his hat. He could gauge a good size based off of that.

Levi: How's my Mariners hat fit you?

Hanji: A little small, but I make it work.

He got one size bigger than his.

Levi: What time should I come around?

She didn't respond until he got home—stopping by In-N-Out to grab a double double animal style: Class gets out at 4 so anytime after 4:30.

So he didn't seem too eager: I'll be there round 5:30. I have some stuff I need to do.

Hanji: kk

Stuff to do. It turned out to be deep cleaning his apartment for the next three hours until the clock hit 5:15. He got the hat, put it on his head—it slid a little to the right side—and got in the car. At 5:30 on the dot—he had waited for about three minutes in the car so it'd be perfect—he knocked on her door. She answered, wearing his hat. There was some barking, and a little greyhound ran forward—Hanji had to block it with her leg. When she saw his hat she pointed and smiled. They traded.

It fit her perfectly. “You didn't have to!”

“Well I was there, so . . .” He shrugged.

Hanji tapped her foot on the ground. “You wanna come in? Or you have stuff to do?”

“Said stuff has already been accomplished.” He pulled his new swim suit out of his bag.

“So you were swim suit shopping?” she said with a laugh. “No wonder you asked about the hot tub and pool. You wanna go for another swim?”

“Nothing too vigorous, though. Orders from on high.”

“So what about the hot tub?”

Hot tub it was. The hot water felt good on his leg. It soaked into his muscles and relaxed them. His arms spread out, resting on the curved edge of the hot tub. Hanji sat on the opposite side, her knees up so she could rest her chin on them, eyes closed, breathing in the vapors. The heat fogged up her glasses.

For a moment, Levi just looked at her, and then he moved over, standing in front of her, and gently pulled off her glasses. Her eyes opened and watched him get out and set the glasses on one of the tables on the patio where their towels lay. Then he slipped back in next to her, arms up again.

She just smiled and closed her eyes again.

“You grow up here?” Levi asked.

“Nope. Used to live in New York.”

“That why you like the Mets?”

“Yep.”

“Why not the Yankees?”

She stuck her tongue out. “Boo on the Yankees. They steal everybody else's good players.”

“Yeah they do.”

Hanji opened her eyes and tilted her head so her cheek rested on her knees, and she looked at Levi. “So give it to me straight, Levi, why do you keep hanging out with me?”

Levi shrugged. “You're good company.”

“Do you really have no one else to hang with?”

He was quiet for a long time.

“Sorry,” she said. “I don't want to be nosy.”

“Anybody I know around here is either annoying, doesn't like baseball, or they're family. I never got a long with my family very well. We're too different.”

“Hmm. That makes sense. I can understand that. Probably too well.” She straightened up and let her legs slid down into the water, stretching out, toes touching. “Well, I'm glad you don't think I'm too crazy or whatever. Lots of people do.”

“And I'm sure most of them didn't sign up for your dirty puns.”

She chuckled. “No. You're the only one who actually has.”

Levi looked over at her quickly. “Really?”

“Wouldn't have said so if it wasn't true,” she said. “Hey, you heard of Merkle's Boner?” She grinned.

“The sad thing is, that's actually its name,” Levi said.

Hanji leaned over close to his face and said in a serious voice, “Have you ever committed Merkle's Boner, Levi?”

He scoffed. “No. That's for rookies.” He kept thinking about how he was the only one to sign up for those stupid puns. What did that mean?

“Innuendos aside!” she said suddenly. “I got you a ticket for my game in two days. Right where you wanted. I need to pick it up tomorrow, but I'll get it to you in time. The next couple of days I'm going to be really busy, but I promise, I'll find a time slot that works for both of us.”

“I'm free all the time.”

“Uh huh. Except for today, apparently.”

Levi cleared his throat. “Family stuff.”

“Okay, okay. I'll probably give it to you sometime Friday morning. The game starts at one. There's plenty of time to give it to you that day without rushing you, right?” When he nodded, she sighed in relief. “Okay. I'll see you then . . . then. I'm booked tomorrow, but I'll be able to text—especially dirty puns. In case you were worrying.”

“I was.”

Hanji laughed once and brought her knees back up again. “Also, you're invited to the after-game party Friday night. We're all allowed to bring one friend.”

“And you chose me?”

“Yeah. Yeah I did. You gonna come?”

Parties. He hated parties. There were too many irritating people. It was messy. And people got offended so easily nowadays. Levi could say one syllable and they'd all freak out. But Hanji was giving him one of those looks again, and it was so hard to resist that look. With a regretful sigh, he said, “Fine.”

–

Thursday at 10:10 a.m.: Are you familiar with squeeze play? If not, I can demonstrate.

Levi smiled. He typed “Okay” into the reply box, but then deleted it and put his phone away. He went to the park with his bat and one ball and practiced his swing. Every time he hit it, he had to go and retrieve it. After the fifth ball he just sat down on the field. It was funner when there was another person to throw the ball, or catch the ball, or even just watch. One of his teammates texted him with a “Sup, man?” but Levi ignored it.

He started walking around the neighborhood, continuing his nostalgic review from the day he met Hanji. In the end he ended up at his brother's house and knocked on the door. Only Kou and Mikasa were home, watching cartoons on television. The cartoons nowadays definitely weren't as awesome as they were when Levi was young. They invited him in, and it actually gave Kou a chance to go and take a shower while Levi watched Mikasa play with LEGOS in front of the television. He lay on the full length of the couch, arms folded, legs crossed.

“Look, Uncle Levi!” she said, proudly showing her progress on building the Space Needle. For a five year old, hell for a ten year old, it was damn impressive.

“How's baseball going, Mikasa?” he asked awhile later.

She looked up, beaming. “Really good. Armin actually hit the ball yesterday. He and Eren celebrated for the whole rest of the day.”

“What about you?”

“I've hit the ball lots of times,” she said, grinning. “Coach says I have natural talent or something.”

“Yes you do. You get that from your mother.”

“And from you!” she said loudly.

Levi smiled faintly. “That's not how it works . . .”

His phone buzzed on his stomach. He flipped it over and read the message.

Hanji: Two for Thursday! Because why not?! WHAT'S YOUR THIRD BASE PERCENTAGE?

Levi chuckled.

“What you laughing at Uncle Levi?”

“Adult stuff.”

Mikasa stuck her tongue out. “Sounds gross.”

“Far from. Your Space Needle looks good.”

She forgot the “gross adult stuff” and smiled. “Thanks!!”

Kou came back out, wet hair up in some scary claw thing. “How's it going in here?”

“Good,” Levi said.

“Look, Mom!!” Mikasa said, holding up the half-finished Space Needle.

Kou knelt down and put her hand on Mikasa's head. “That's amazing, Mikasa!” She looked over at Levi. “You want any food? I was just going to make lunch.”

“No. I should probably be heading off soon. Stuff to do.” His favorite line. So vague.

“If you're sure. I could send you off with a sandwich?”

“Don't worry about me.”

“How's your leg doing?”

“Fine.”

Kou smiled. “Glad to hear it. What do you want for lunch, Mikasa?”

“MACARONI AND CHEESE.”

“Mac and cheese it is!”

Hanji: Wearing my Mariners hat at practice and feeling all bad-ass.

Levi: Good. That's how the hat should make you feel.

Hanji: One of my teammates called me a traitor?? But then I stole his second base.

Levi: The hat gives one extra power.

Hanji: I believe it!! I am the designated hatter!

Levi: That was stupid.

Hanji: Which translates in Punglish to AMAZING.

Levi: Punglish.

Hanji: OOp coach getting mad at me for texting. I will return though. No one can hold back Hanji—GONNA GO PERFORM A HATSY DAN.

Levi: Oh my God.

But she didn't reply back, probably off to perform the Fancy Dan—Hatsy Dan.

–

She didn't send a text the next morning on game day because she showed up at his apartment—now they both knew where the other lived—to bring him his ticket. As soon as he opened the door, she said, “Top of the morning, Levi!! Ready for some inter-league play?” She handed him the ticket, and then pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Can't stay long. Practice and all. But you can come over and say hello at the dugout.”

He didn't have a USC hat, so he just wore his Rainiers hat. The before-game warm-up started at noon, so he showed up then to watch, seeing how all the individual players looked and judging how well they'd do in the game. Before he sat down he wandered over to the home dugout.

“You looking for someone?” one of the Trojans asked.

“Hanji.”

The guy snorted, and some other teammates chuckled in that rude way. “Wow, that's a first. I'll go get her.” He disappeared, Levi glaring after him. Whoever the guy was, he didn't deserve to be on the team. Hanji could probably smoke him. Levi definitely could. If only he could get the chance . . .

“Woo, you're early. One might think you're too eager,” came Hanji's voice, and then she appeared out in the sunlight. She looked good in the Trojan uniform. “Wish you were playing?”

“With these pigs? Not a chance. You deserve a better team, Hanji.”

Hanji made a confused face. “What?”

“Never mind,” he muttered darkly, glancing at the others. The ones who noticed his gaze physically cringed, taken aback by the anger and threat in his eyes.

“Hey, Zoë,” the manager called. “Stop fraternizing and get up to the plate. You're up.”

Hanji tipped her cap to Levi and jogged off, picking a bat up off the ground. She did well, a few of her balls hitting in that zone between the infield and outfield Levi was so fond of. Most of hers went sailing out towards the far edge of the field, either hitting the back wall, or going just over. She was definitely a power hitter, but when the pitcher upped the difficulty of pitches, the strike count went up. She wasn't as good at reading a pitch. But she had good clutch, never seeming to be fazed by the odds or any kind of pressure. Levi admired that most in a player, to be honest. How people acted under pressure and under fire truly revealed what kind of person they were—at least, in Levi's eyes.

By the time game time rolled around, Levi had accurately gauged the skills of each player on the Trojans, giving them scores out of ten in different categories. The announcer came on the loud speakers, drawing everyone's attention to the introduction of the players. When Hanji's name was called, Levi clapped his hands really loud. She waved her cap to the audience. Then some little kid sang the National Anthem, belting out the high notes like nobody's business, and then the umpire said Levi's favorite words: “PLAY BALL.”

Hanji was fifth in the line up, after Mr. Douchey Douchebag. Said douche struck out, leaving two of his teammates stranded on first and second base with two outs. Hanji was up next—left handed hitter against a left-handed pitcher. She shook her shoulders in a kind of shimmy, smiled, and raised her bat. The pitcher glanced over his shoulder at the antsy runner at second. In his face, Levi could see him wondering if he could save this inning and get that last out.

First pitch, a curveball out of the zone. Hanji held back. Second pitch caught the outside corner. She held back. One strike, one ball. The next pitch glanced off her bat and into the stands. Two strikes, one ball. She kicked at the dirt, crouched down, and then hopped back up, bat at the ready. She and the pitcher had an intense stare down.

The ball released. Another foul. And then another. But Hanji remained patient, waiting for that one ball that would be right where she wanted it.

When Levi heard the clack of the ball against the bat, like the ones he'd heard in the park the first day he'd met her, he knew it was a good hit. The ball soared up over the first basemen's head and landed right next to the line. It rolled away off to the side, but that ball was fair, and Hanji got to first base safe and sound—while also batting in the runner from second. The score was now 1-0.

As the game progressed, Levi was certain the Douche didn't deserve to play with Hanji. Even though Hanji got out on a fly ball to center, her form was way better than the Douche's. In a one on one battle, she'd kick his ass.

Her third time at the plate, she got on base again. But then the lady after her played right into a double play and the inning ended.

Being the designated hitter, Hanji never played on the field. Too bad, because Levi wanted to see how she'd do out there. Her other position, according to the stats on the screen every time she came up to bat, was center fielder. Right now that position was being played by one of those people Levi had glared at earlier.

The fourth and last time Hanji came up to the plate, she racked up full count, and then pounded a ball out of the field just shy of the left field foul line, successfully batting two other batters in and tying the score at 5. The opposing pitcher must have given up or something, because the next batter got an easy hit, resulting in a double, and the next batter got them in. Game over.

Levi didn't care, he went over to their dugout and jumped down. Most of them were too busy celebrating to notice him. But he found Hanji and before he could say a word she had gathered him up in a hug. She took off her hat and put it over his own.

“Didn't I tell you the game would be hella?!” she shouted over the din.

“You were right,” Levi said with a smile.

“HOLY SHIT YOU SMILED.”

Levi blinked.

“I have done good!” she exclaimed and put an arm around his shoulders. “WHOOO!!! You ready for the after-game party tonight, Ackerman?!”

 _No._ “Sure.”

–

It took place at some club in uptown L.A. they had reserved just for the Trojans and all the extra friends. Hanji pulled Levi in by the arm, her hair up in some crazy bun thing, wearing a mini skirt with black tights, knee-high black boots and a dark red halter top. He was in, well, clothes. Nothing too special. He paled in comparison to Hanji. The D.J.s were playing some electronica dance music that had Hanji dancing from the moment they walked through the doors.

Some of her teammates saw Levi and turned away, pretending like they suddenly had somewhere to be. Hanji was too into the music to notice—or maybe she pretended not to notice. She started head banging, jumping up and down, and also clapping her hands above her head. Hanji dancing. Anyone else who tried it would have surely failed. But not Hanji.

“I'm going to go get some drinks,” Levi said.

She just nodded her head and kept dancing.

He wandered away over to the bar and sat down on a stool. The bartender came over and gave him some suggestive eyebrow dance. “What'll it be?” he asked.

“Two whiskeys on the rocks.”

“All right,” he said, as if he was sure Levi didn't know what he was getting into. He slapped the glasses down, filled with ice cubes, and poured a bit of whiskey in each. “You a Trojan?”

“A Rainier,” he said.

The bartender frowned. “What's that?”

Levi picked up one of the glasses, gave the guy a deadpan stare, and then gulped the whiskey down in one gulp. “A mountain.” He slapped the glass down, silently requesting more.

“So you don't play baseball?” He poured in some more.

Levi took it. “Baseball and I make sweet love to each other.”

The guy's eyes widened in confusion. Someone asked for him and he hurriedly whisked away.

A bouncing Hanji sat down in the seat next to him and picked up her glass. “Please tell me you're going to dance. And don't tell me you can't dance. Everybody can dance.”

Levi took a swig of his drink and felt the burn all the way down. “Oh, I can dance.”

“A chance to prove that you're not an old man? Or is dancing against your orders from on high?” she asked.

“Fuck them. If I wanna dance, I will.” He finished his whiskey.

“That's the spirit! We'll have a dance-off!” She grinned at him and then downed her drink, just like he had the first time. She took his hand and pulled him back onto the dance floor. The current song ended. They got into position, staring at each other intensely. Levi didn't usually dance, but the times he had, he had shown the true meaning of dancing. Now was his chance to show just how young and sprightly he was.

“Now it's time for Fader—Adam Freeland Remix by the Temper Trap!” the D.J. announced.

The song started and Levi began first while Hanji watched on with mischievous eyes. Then when the brunt of the song started, all those oohs and such, she broke in too. Their bodies moved in ways that shouldn't be humanly possible, sliding, twisting. Every time Levi moved his hips, Hanji broke out into snorting laughter, momentarily pausing her extraordinary dancing. The farther in the song he got, the more dramatic he got, giving Hanji the most sensual of looks. Levi got so into his dancing—the sway of his hips catching the attention of every woman, and a few men, in the vicinity. He hypnotized them all. Eventually Hanji had to stop, merely bouncing her hips, watching him with the most excited of looks. Levi's eyes never left Hanji's, focusing all his vibes into her until she had to go collapse into a chair.

Maybe it was the whiskey, but he got up in her business and basically began giving her a lap dance. Hanji was laughing so hard no sound escaped her lips. Somehow she managed to grab some money from her purse—a couple of fives or something—and stuff them down his shirt.

When the song ended, Levi leaned forward, hands on the back of the chair on either side of her head, his face coming right next to hers, their noses almost touching.

“You creamed me good, Levi,” she said with some provocative eyebrows. “Guess you're not an old man after all. Quite the opposite, actually.”

He gave her a sultry smile.

Someone called Hanji's name then, and Levi moved away.

It was the Douche. He gave Levi a contemptuous look and then looked at Hanji, who sighed and got to her feet.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asked her. 

Levi frowned. Oh, so _now_ Hanji was good enough for him? A true sign of a douchebag. He was excited to see Hanji take him down.

Hanji blinked a few times, like he'd spoken a foreign language. “Are you being serious or joking? I can't tell.”

The Douche growled. “I'm being serious. Let's get out of here.”

“You know what I say to that? Enthusiastically, too.” She poked him in the chest. “Go. Fuck. Yourself. That's what you're used to on Friday nights, anyway right? Who am I to break tradition?”

His face got all red. “You don't have to be a fucking bitch about it!”

“Excuse me, that's wild bitch to you,” Hanji said with a sigh. She turned to Levi and grabbed his shirt, pulling him towards her. The next thing he knew her lips were crashing down on his, hot, wet, and intense. At first he didn't really respond, but then something sparked in his body, and a wildfire spread. His arm wrapped around her neck, gluing them together as their bodies curved around each other, hearts pulsing in sync. When they finally broke apart, Levi looked at Hanji and Hanji looked at the Douche.

The Douche looked so offended. He flipped them off and stormed off.

Hanji laughed raucously.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Levi asked.

Her laughter stopped and she looked at him seriously. “You wanna come visit my Hotbox?”

“Something like that.”

“How long have I known you? Let's see.” She counted on her fingers. “Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. That's almost a week.” She grabbed his shirt again. “Why the hell not?!”

His place was closer, and there was no dog—two animals was already enough. No, animal wasn't a strong enough word. Wild animals fit better. As soon as they were in the door, they were all over reach other, hands moving desperately over each other's bodies as they traveled over to his bedroom. He kicked the door closed, even though it wasn't necessary. Before the bed came the stripping. Hanji threw her shirt off—Levi unzipped her skirt, and she shook it off onto the ground. As for the tights, Levi got that, slowly, inch by inch, slipping it off her body. He followed them all the way down to the ground, and then when the came off he tossed them carelessly over his shoulder. Hanji wasn't as gentle pulling off his clothes, which just made Levi all the more turned on.

They fell onto the bed, arms wrapped around each other, lips and tongues meshing together. Hanji rolled them over so she was on top, breaking free of the lip lock to smile down at him. “Is this your first time on base?”

“Won't be my last,” he growled.

“I like the sound of that,” she said and smashed her face back down onto his.

His fingers kneaded into her back, and ran over her muscles, while one of her fists ground into his abdominal muscles, and the other entangled itself in his hair.

“I bet you don't hate my haircut as bad now, do you?” Levi slipped in mid-kiss.

Hanji laughed. “You're right; it's not that bad.” She moved her head down over his chin and neck to his clavicle, lightly nipping at it. Then she dragged the tip of her tongue all the way down his torso, ending just below his belly button. She kissed his skin, and then traced a figure eight with her tongue. Slowly she teased the edge of his underwear—but then she sat up with a weird screech noise.

“What?” Levi asked in alarm.

“Fuck! Do I have any condoms? Do you?” She did some weird backward flip off the bed and ran into the main room, picking up her purse where she'd so carelessly thrown it in their wild flight to the bedroom.

“I'll look in here,” Levi called. He honestly didn't know if he had one. So he crossed his fingers, hoping there'd be one. Just one. Please.

“Where the hell is it? I swear I had one!” Hanji called in a panic.

Well there was nothing in Levi's bathroom or closet. _Good job, Levi. Good going._

“AHA! FOUND IT!” She ran back into the bedroom, holding the condom up victoriously. “TROJAN CONDOMS. They were thinking of us, Levi.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the bed. “Now where were we? Oh—first things first, huh?” She unclasped her bra and threw it off into the abyss. “Now it's your turn.”

The things Hanji could do with her mouth were unbelievable. So Levi repaid the favor.

They slowed down after a time, their bodies molding around each other. Levi grasped the pillows tightly in his fists, his cheek pressed against hers. Her arms wrapped around his torso, and with every thrust, she squealed into his neck. When she climaxed, her grip tightened and she let out a scream that quickly turned into hysterical laughter and Levi couldn't help but laugh with her.

He collapsed next to her, their sweaty bodies breathing hard in sync.

“I never made love to baseball quite that good.”

“I'm better than baseball.”

“You're better than baseball.”

She rolled over on to her stomach and pressed her nose into his shoulder. “I hope you're not going anywhere now.”

“I just said you're better than baseball,” Levi said. “I'm never gonna give up baseball. I'm not going to just leave you. My endgame wasn't just to have sex with you. I didn't even think about that actually until the douchewad fuckface had the gall to ask you for a fuck.”

She smiled into his skin. “Really? Not once?”

Levi smirked. “Okay you got me. But it wasn't like some final goal or anything. I just wanted . . .”

“Yeah?”

“I like your company, shitty-glasses.”

“I like your company too, shortie.”

Levi turned his head and kissed her forehead, right on the hairline. “Wanna play catch tomorrow?”

“Only if you help me pick up all the damn balls.”

“Tch. Fine.”

She made some happy squeak noise. “Word of warning,” she said, propping her head up and looking at him. “You may now have to fear for your life.”

Levi smiled. “I'm counting on it.”


End file.
